An Excuse for Wallflowers

"Truth is, I've never been one for logic anyways. What is logic? It's an excuse for wallflowers." ~Jason Hightman

I am not one for logic. I don't make choices based on the well balanced pros and cons. I like to make lists simply so that I can ignore them. When I know a decision is right, I simply know that it is right. I don't need to be reminded to follow my heart, because that is all I ever seem to do. There are days when I wish that I was able to make more decisions based on logic. That just seems like the cowards way to make choices.

When there are lists of pros and cons, then you know which one is the right decision. If something does go wrong in the future it is easier to say that you made the right decision to begin with. When you act on what your heart says, then there are no pros and cons to fall back on. There is only yourself to blame.

Logic is the one thing that clouds the decision making process. Logic makes promises that it can't keep. Logic says that the right choice is the one with the most pros and the least cons. Sometimes you just have to make decisions based on the faith that you know they are right, the feeling in your heart that you are getting yourself going in the right direction. Or sometimes, putting yourself in the wrong direction for a little while.

It is easy to become a wallflower based on the idea that you are making the logical choice. The problem with the logical choice is that it most often is the easiest choice. There is very little that is easy about making the choice to follow your own heart. Following your heart and choosing to do what is best for you is sometimes the hardest part of any decision. It means sacrificing some of the other things that you wanted to do in life, some of the dreams that you wanted to follow. Giving up something that you want to do is not logical. It is also not an excuse for wallflowers. Following your heart really is the least logical thing you can do in your life. It may be the least logical thing, but it is also the most rewarding.

The Calm of Chaos

There was one point in my life when I thought that I was meant to live a life of solitude and peace. I would be able to move from place to place and not really have to stay in one place for a long period of time. I would just be able to fly under the radar of those I lived near and no one would really miss me if I left. I was so wrong.

I lead a relatively quiet life when I am at school. I am surrounded by books and a few close friends who are not to distracting from what I am hoping to accomplish there. That is one reality that I am still attempting realize. My actualy reality is no longer a quiet life.

Every summer I get to come and live in community. This life that I have chosen is far from quiet. There are very few periods of peace and rest. It is mostly a game of attempting to keep up relationships and involvments in the lives of the ten other people I live with and maintain the house around us so that there aren't any huge spiders taking over the corners, or dust and pieces of yarn piling up on the floor. There are usually three different CDs being played at any given moment, most especially when we are trying to make dinner. There is yelling and fighting and mediating, sometimes between the assistants as well as the core members.

In the end, there really is no place that I would rather be than right there. In the midst of the chaos that I have come to love I really have found the peace that I am looking for. Perhaps part of growing up and becoming mature is the realization that you don't have to avoid everything order to find the peace that you are looking for. Sometimes the quiet life can be overrated and less peaceful than planting yourself firmly in the middle of the chaos.