The Only One

"The wonderful things about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things. Their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of springs. They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! And the wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one!"

I grew up loving Winnie the Pooh and to be perfectly honest, I still do. There is just something about heading back to the Hundred Acre Woods with Christopher Robin. There was always a good ending to a story that began that way. I have an affinity for happy endings, or even endings that are really good. Most of those are happy though.

I used to think that if I were a character in a Winnie the Pooh book, I would have been Kanga. I have been accused many times of being very much so a mother and that doesn't bother me. My title in high school was Soccer Mom until my friends decided that since we are in Canada, I must be a Hockey Mom.

I have come to realize over the past few years that I have more in common with Tigger. He has a complete inability to be still and I have to admit that I have become very much like that. I am beginning to cultivate my inner stillness again, but that is something that will take time. Probably a lot of time. There just always seems to be something else to do in life, something else to see, something else to try. Since I have come to the realization that there is always something else important to do, other than simply sit still, I have developed a bounce and a certain speed in certain things. Not in writing essays, but many other things.

The most important aspect of my claiming a Tigger identity is the realization that I am an Original. There has never been anyone like me and there never will be again. I am completely unique in so many ways. I know there are a few people who are glad that there is only one of me or else there would be chaos in the world. There may be chaos in the world with only me, but I can't really claim that is totally my fault. My housemate has a hand in it as well.

It's really exciting to be the only one. To know, without a doubt, that there will never be anyone who can really replace me in the world. If I was gone, there would be someone who missed me. That's pretty cool. So I won't be a Tigger. But I will get to be me. I think that might be bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy fun enough.

Writing My Own Ending

I just began to read a novel and the opening pages struck me more forcefully today than they may have on another day. A character in the story talks of why she loves to write. She has a great love for order and loves working out the details of character's lives. The most satisfying part is bringing all things to a close at the end of the book.

I am, in many respects, very much like like the young girl who is beginning to discover the power of words and her own ability to create the ending she desires. Despite the fact that I have long since discovered the power of words and the joy I find in them, I feel the same way in many respects. Although I choose to write little fiction, there is a great deal of satisfaction and pleasure in creating a beginning, middle and end with the power of words. It feels good to be able to create an ending and yet always know that there will be another beginning.

I am at the beginning of the end of my formal education. Many of my colleagues are at the end of their undergrad and are beginning to consider what they are going to do at the end of this year. A great deal of those who are completing their education have very few ideas of what they may do after they are done their last lectures. Many are simply staying in school. I don't know if that is simply an attempt to avoid the "real" world for awhile, but it seems to be a popular choice.

Beyond the idea of finishing our education, there are all the other things that many people around their quarter life crisis are attempting to find. These usually rank around someone special to spend our lives with, a successful job, a great place to live. In the end, all the things we look for focus around the idea of being happy for the rest of our lives.

The idea of being happy for the next 70 years is a great concept, but the reality is that not every day is going to be a great day. There will be some things that you struggle with and some things that don't work out the way they are supposed to. I guess the difference between being a young girl, writing in order to fix everything and create order, is that as you get older, you realize that happy endings get very boring after awhile. Riding off into the sunset, or a beautiful wedding in a country church are all well and good. But what happens after that?

In the real world, there are sunsets. There are a great deal of sunsets and a large number of them probably deserve to have someone ride off into them. The reality is that doesn't happen. I wouldn't ever want there to be a happy ending because that means that there is an end.

I am beginning to write my own ending at this point in my life. I suppose that I am not really going to be writing an ending so much as beginning to write the rest of my own story. I've heard people say that life is what happens to you when you are making other plans. I've almost stopped making plans for my life. It is much more fun to write your own story as you are living it.

I'm not going to let my life just happen to me. I'm not really good at that. What I am good at is writing. And I will write my own story.

Promises to Keep

January 1st is the day of the year that the most broken promises are made. It is the day when many people make resolutions for the coming year that will be broken before another page on the calendar turns.

Admittedly, many resolutions are ones that many people are aware that they are not going to keep. There is the ongoing tradition of deciding to lose the ten pounds that you gain over the holiday season, or going to the gym more often. These are the two resolutions that people most often seem to make and most seldom seem to keep.

Last year, I made a few resolutions. There weren't many and I think I stuck to many of them. I did stay single until May although I failed on the eating two meals a day. The reason why I was able to keep my resolutions so well is that there are more than resolutions to me. They are promises that I have made to myself.

This year, I'm not sure what promises to make to myself. There are few things that I want to change. But here is what I want to accomplish in the coming year.

1) I will learn to be more patient with things that I cannot control such as late flights.

2) I will re-learn how to enjoy classical music, a skill that I have begun to lack in my life.

3) I will learn to relax. I really have no idea how to anymore.

4) I will fall more in love everyday. Life is more beautiful that way.

5) I will bake more because I love to.

6) I will take the opportunities I have to travel. The world is so much bigger than I have ever seen.

7) I will find where my heart lies and follow it wherever it may take me.

For some reason, I feel as though I should stop there. Last year held seven to be a lucky number and perhaps this one will as well. At least with my list of resolutions, I can move onto my resignations!