Writing My Own Ending

I just began to read a novel and the opening pages struck me more forcefully today than they may have on another day. A character in the story talks of why she loves to write. She has a great love for order and loves working out the details of character's lives. The most satisfying part is bringing all things to a close at the end of the book.

I am, in many respects, very much like like the young girl who is beginning to discover the power of words and her own ability to create the ending she desires. Despite the fact that I have long since discovered the power of words and the joy I find in them, I feel the same way in many respects. Although I choose to write little fiction, there is a great deal of satisfaction and pleasure in creating a beginning, middle and end with the power of words. It feels good to be able to create an ending and yet always know that there will be another beginning.

I am at the beginning of the end of my formal education. Many of my colleagues are at the end of their undergrad and are beginning to consider what they are going to do at the end of this year. A great deal of those who are completing their education have very few ideas of what they may do after they are done their last lectures. Many are simply staying in school. I don't know if that is simply an attempt to avoid the "real" world for awhile, but it seems to be a popular choice.

Beyond the idea of finishing our education, there are all the other things that many people around their quarter life crisis are attempting to find. These usually rank around someone special to spend our lives with, a successful job, a great place to live. In the end, all the things we look for focus around the idea of being happy for the rest of our lives.

The idea of being happy for the next 70 years is a great concept, but the reality is that not every day is going to be a great day. There will be some things that you struggle with and some things that don't work out the way they are supposed to. I guess the difference between being a young girl, writing in order to fix everything and create order, is that as you get older, you realize that happy endings get very boring after awhile. Riding off into the sunset, or a beautiful wedding in a country church are all well and good. But what happens after that?

In the real world, there are sunsets. There are a great deal of sunsets and a large number of them probably deserve to have someone ride off into them. The reality is that doesn't happen. I wouldn't ever want there to be a happy ending because that means that there is an end.

I am beginning to write my own ending at this point in my life. I suppose that I am not really going to be writing an ending so much as beginning to write the rest of my own story. I've heard people say that life is what happens to you when you are making other plans. I've almost stopped making plans for my life. It is much more fun to write your own story as you are living it.

I'm not going to let my life just happen to me. I'm not really good at that. What I am good at is writing. And I will write my own story.