Seeking Questions

Last night I had the chance to sit with a few of my companions at work with a glass of wine and simply talk. One of the things we talked about was the reason why one of us came here. That conversation only took about three glasses of wine to actually to the point we wanted it to get to. That is what I love about being here. We have no problem sitting in silence with a glass of wine and just taking the time to be with each other. We like to listen and we enjoy learning about each other.

What I learned in listening last night was more about myself. I said very little about my life before I came to L'arche when we were in the living room. I'm actually not sure if I said anything at all. I learned something about why I came here though. One of the men I live with said that he came here seeking questions. He wanted to know answers to the questions, but he wasn't sure if he even knew the questions. I have the same desire in my life. I want to know all the answers. Not just some of them, but all of them. I also don't have a lot of patience when it comes to looking for the answers. I don't really want to take the time to look for the questions, but I am. I'm looking for the questions in my life and I'm finding some of the answers.

It's hard to find the answer for questions when there are no questions. When there are only answers to the things that you haven't yet found. It feels like the idea of 42 being the meaning of life from The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy. I know the answers to some of the questions, but I'm not sure what I was asking at the time. I'm not sure if what I've found here is the answer to my prayers. I'm not sure, because I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for much of this. I wasn't questing after this. I wasn't looking or asking for contentment, the ability to be completely happy where I am. I was looking for a reason to keep moving, to change my life and to take chances. I have taken probably one major chance this summer. And it paid off.

Whenever I start asking questions, the answer seems to be yes right now. I don't really like it. I'm used to the answer at some points being no or not yet. I'm used to having to change part of my life to fit in something else. I am fitting in a lot of other things, but everything is working on a yes principle. My life is exactly as I want it to be. I still have questions though. I still want answers. I want to know it all. That means I still need to look for the questions to find my answers. I guess that makes two of us in this house.