Balancing the Scales

Balance is not a word that I am entirely comfortable with. My life doesn't seem to have a lot of it and I'm alright with it remaining that way. Whatever I do, I do with my whole heart. I don't want that to change.

Having said that I love my life the way it is, a stress fracture and tendinitis say that something's gotta give. The problem with allowing or encouraging that to happen still mean that something has to give. And I don't want it to.

During the summer, I live the life I want to live, whole heartedly and completely. The balance is not something that I have to reach for, it's not something that I have to work for. It is simply something that is.

Back at school, I am learning that balance is not usually that easy. Balance is not easy for me because whenever I do something, I do it with my whole heart. I am at school now and this is what is consuming my life. I wake up and start going in so many directions that are so different from what I really love doing.

At work, I move in more than eight directions at one time. The only difference is that all of those directions consume my whole heart and they are my whole being. When I move here, I am moving quickly and I am moving completely, but I am not moving whole heartedly. I am moving because I must. It is necessity that prompts my moving and not the desire to do so. I am so focused on the one thing in the world that I forget to see what is around my tunnel vision.

Attempting to balance the scales at this point in my life is an endeavour, one that I am not sure if I am entirely capable of undertaking. I am going to make an attempt at it anyways. I shall attempt to lose some of my tunnel vision. I will take some time for myself. Time to write and read what I want and what appeals to my heart. I will make the music that makes my soul sing and take the time to do relax. I will take the time to play and the time to laugh. I will ensure the time for my relationships that will allow them to grow, for there is nothing else that makes life more enjoyable than these.

I'm not sure if these goals will balance my life, but it might be a good start.