One Foot Here, One Foot There

A wise man once told me that you cannot have your heart and your head in two places. When you try to, there will come a say when you want to bring the two of them together.

Contrary to his advice, I am living my life in two places right now. My head is in London, but my heart is not. My heart remains in the community I love which is back in Richmondhill. And maybe with someone who lives in the community . . .

When I first told my wise man what I was doing, he reminded me of his advice. My response is that I have very little choice. I really did try to stay in only one place. I did. Unfortunately, that was not the place my head was telling me I should be.

In a chick flick that I enjoy watching, the main character wants to be able to be in two places at once. She gets her wish. I really wish that I could too. I don't know if I get that though.

So far, I have survived only a few weeks in one place. This included a visit from someone to London and a brief visit on my part back to the community. This hasn't stopped the feeling that I am torn to be in two places.

I never understood before now why people would be willing to continue relationships with people who are far away. Any form of sustainable relationship with someone who is not close is hard. I never really had any idea how hard though. I sustained a few close relationships for many years, but now I am attempting to sustain many. It is hard and it is tiring, but it is worth it.

I'm not sure how much I wanted to be in two places at the same time. I'm realizing that now I can't do it. My head is in one place and my heart is in pieces in many places. I feel as though I am straddling border lines. It's worse than that though. This actually hurts.