Taking A Chance

I have some song lyrics running through my head. They go something like this. "There's gotta be something more, gotta be more than this. I need a little less hard time, I need a little more bliss. I can take a chance, takin' a chance I might find what I'm lookin' for. There's gotta be something more."

Admittedly, this is a country song. I do enjoy this music. The message is also working very well for me right now.

I tend to be a person who seeks a great deal of things. I like having all the answers and I really knowing it all. I also like having it all. Not really material things, although those can be enjoyable at some points, but the relationships and the education that I want. I want things now in order to create the life that I hope to be leading in the course of the next decade.

The only problem with trying to get the things that I want for the life that I would love to have over the course of the next decade is that I have to take some chances. I'm not really the person who likes to take chances. If you look at my agenda, there is very little that is not scheduled. I know where I have to be and what I have to do. I don't take chances.

When I do choose to take some chances, they are either very carefully calculated to succeed or carefully calculated to fail. I got into university on the fact that I am a harpist and thus I am a rare commodity who can make a music faculty seem more important. All of the relationships I have been in over the past years have been undertaken with the knowledge that they are not something that will last and they will inevitably fail.

The interesting thing about my life over the past two years is that I have taken a lot of chances. Some of them have failed. The amount that I have pushed myself has led to a collapse of sorts. I am unable to use my arms for long periods of time which is the worst part about the degree I am pursuing. My stress level has risen considerably as I am ignoring the advice of my wise man and splitting my heart and my head into two places. Some of them that I had assumed would fail simply because I am who I am have not. I have found a place that I think I could easily spend my entire life. Beyond that, I have also found someone who I can see in my life for the rest of it. And that's scary. But it's also thrilling.

Many of us take chances in our lives. Sometimes they are simple chances, such as trying a new drink or new kind of food. Other times they are big and scary, such as moving across an ocean to take care of people who are different in some ways. Many of us take chances simply because we know that they will fail. I know that I do. I take chances knowing that I won't find what I am looking for. Maybe it's time that I changed my attitude.