Regression and Revision

I just got back to the city in which I study for the year. It feels very strange to slip back into my old habits. It almost feels as though my summer didn't happen.

Over the course of the summer, I changed and I grew in so many ways. When I came back to London though, it felt similar to going back to my parents house. When I walk through the door, it always feels as though my sister and I are close to ten years old than we really are. The arguing starts and I stop having to completely take care of myself. I feel more lazy when I know my parents are there and life is simply easier. The regression of going home is similar to the regression I feel now.

Over the course of the summer, I am responsible for many more people than simply myself. I am used to keeping tabs on a larger group of people than I ever have to worry about when I am at school. It's strange to come and regress to my old habits. I don't have to keep tabs on so many people and I'm going to have to get used to be alone more often than I was during the summer.

I have the option of regressing to who I was and the habits I held at the beginning of the summer. I can ignore all the chances and time I've had to grow over the past four months and allow myself to be the person I was what feels like a lifetime ago. The other option is a revision.

Instead of choosing to simply regress to where I was before, I can revise my life. I can use what I learned over the past school year and also what I gained over the summer. I can revise my life to change in the way I want it to be.

To a certain extent, I know that my life is going to regress a little in order to be able to adjust to coming back to school. I can't be at the same point I was at all summer. That would make my life at school both impossible and unbearable. I do however know that I can't completely go back to the place I was at last year. Last year, I was single and now I am not. There are limits I now am enforcing in my life in order to place a higher value on what has changed my life. I get to regress and I also get to revise. I just need to decide which areas of my life fall under which category.

I wonder if I had made different choices over the summer if I wouldn't have to change my life. I don't know if that would have been easier for me. I won't ever get to find out though.