When I Grow Up . . .

Friday night I had the chance to go out for dinner with my high school math teacher. For those of you who have never had a conversation with me, I don't like logic and so I don't really like math. But I have stayed friends with my teacher even after I stopped taking math classes and left for university. We always have the best conversations and we agree on so many things even though we have drastically different lives.

Something she said to me once was the most incredible thing. She said that when she grows up, she wants to be me. For those of you who have ever had someone you admire tell you that, you have some fraction of an idea of how good that felt to hear that. The strange part is that I want to be her when I grow up. Other than the fact that I have no intention of ever growing up. Other than that.

One of the things we discussed were the choices I am making that will influence the course of my life. Her idea about it was that I have all the time in the world to do what I want. If what I want is to not go back to school, then that would be fine. She would just ask two questions. Is what I'm doing fulfilling for me? Does it positively influence that lives of those around me? The answer to these things is yes. What I do fulfills me and has a positive influence on those around me. I am going back to finish my degree now though. Maybe it's easier and maybe it's not. I'm not quite sure which one it is yet.

When I grow up though, I know I want to be able to say that the choices I have made have made a difference in the lives of those around me. I want to know that I have decided to help those around me and make the world a more beautiful place. When I grow up, it's not going to matter how grey my hair is or if I remember to put on makeup every day. It won't be so important if I got all the degrees that I wanted to get or if I was the most popular girl in my class. When I grow up, I want there to be world peace, but I doubt. I'll just get to know that I tried to make that happen.

When I grow up, I want to be the person who people want to talk to. I don't want to bore someone with the aches and pains that I will get as I get older, but to be involved in the lives of those around me. I want to still be able to write and share my passion through my words and my music. I want to be able to live a full life in every day.

I don't know how many of these things will happen and how many will not. I do know that if I have a goal and a guide, I will get where I'm going. Eventually.