Comfortable Skin

I'm approaching the time in my life that has recently been dubbed as psychologists as the Quarter Life Crisis (QLC). It seems to be the time when many people are not comfortable with who they are and have no idea where they are going. They want to make a difference in the world, they want a job, a family. They want it all and they don't always want to work for it. There are those who do want to work for what they want, but they are never sure what it is that they want. At its essence, this is a time when we're not comfortable in our own skins. We're not even really sure what that means.

One of the things that strikes me so much about the place I work is how comfortable and accepting everyone here is with who they are. There are varying levels of ability and disability, but all those who have found a permanent home here are comfortable with themselves. They know how to laugh and they know how to truly live regardless of how the world sees them.

Today I had the pleasure of walking through a street festival with two of the people I live with. One of them is very outspoken and somedays loud. She is also completely at peace with herself. She will never have children or a high powered job. She won't create world peace or solve world hunger. There are so many things that she will never be able to do, but there are so many things that she is able to do.

While I was walking with her, we heard music coming from some of the bands that were playing along the road. She started to dance. I wish I could do that. Last summer, another assistant was surprised when I danced one day to music while we were cleaning because she had never seen that before. That was the end of July and we lived together since May. For some reason, I'm not always comfortable in my own skin. I don't always appreciate the body that I have, although I know I should. I don't enjoy attracting attention to myself even when I want to dance. Or I should say that I don't want to attract attention. I think I would be alright with it once I got used to it.

When I heard the music today, I wanted to dance too. I could feel the beat all the way down to the soles of my feet and I wanted to move. I wanted to be able to move and not feel like everyone was watching me. Then she started to dance. She danced in a way that only she can. And I think she knows it too. She is so comfortable with who she is that is shows. She danced because that's what she wanted to do. And I joined her.

I've said before that some people come here for all the things that they think they can give. If they can get past that wrong perception they have, they will realize how much they will be given, if they let it happen. While I have been here, I have felt the call more deeply than ever to become comfortable in my own skin and my own self. Somedays that's someone my parents and friends don't want to see. They are more comfortable with the stressed out, constantly moving student who does it all, or at least tries to. When I'm here, I get to find the part of me that is the truest and deepest part of me. Some days that comes out as the home maker who makes bread all the time and cleans until things are spotless. Other times it's more of a gypsy who loves brightly coloured shawls and some crazy jewellery. It's the call to dance in the morning when I'm happy simply because the sun is shining or because it's raining. It's the ability to sing with others in praise and in sorrow and just because. It's the ability to smile for reasons unknown simply because life is great. And it is.

I'm in no ways completely comfortable in my skin yet. I'm still working on it and some days it's hard. It's hard when I don't get a grade for the work I do, or when I have nothing to do. It's hard when I have to push my boundaries to find out who I really am. It's worth it though. And soon I'll find my own way of being comfortable in my own skin.