Separation Lines

I love notebooks. I love the fresh clean pages that are in each one and I love how neat and separate they keep things. That may explain why I have so many of them. I can be fairly neurotic about putting only one thing each notebook be it research, quotes, dreams, journalling or blogging. And yes, the last two are two different things. It wasn't until this year that I realized I do the same thing with my life.

When I'm at school, I clearly have my school friends and my school activities. My church life is separate from that and my family life even farther removed. I like it that way. It keeps things simpler for me. Separating things in my life draws clear lines between what I allow in certain areas and what I don't.

I've found the one place in my life where all the lines do blur and all areas of my life come together. That is where I work. Living here helps with that. My family is here, both the one I have created and the one I was born into. My friends are here, or close enough to find when I need them. Any relationships I form for the summer are formed here. All the lines I once had blur and begin to fade. I think I love it here more because I feel my life come together. The only problem at this point in my life is that there is no separation at all.

I can no longer see the clear lines between all the areas of my life. I can't look over all of them and see the space between them. I'm not sure how I feel about that right now. It's easy when pieces of your life look like puzzle pieces and you can make them fit together. The only problem is when they become more like a broken mirror, when the pieces don't really seem to fit back together and the image is distorted. I think I'm more in the position of the puzzle. I'm beginning to see what the big picture really is, even on the days I don't like it. I know it's there. I'm seeing more than the little pieces.