The Ex Factor

It's interesting every time I begin a new relationship. That's one of the most exciting parts of any romantic relationship. You never really know where it is going and there is constantly a touch of breathlessness. You constantly feel off balance and just get to learn more about the person you are with and yourself. None of the boundaries you have are established yet. It's free and trusting.

When the boundaries are established in a relationship, there is always one that is more difficult than others. And that has to do with the exs. Most of the people I know have been in one or more previous relationships in their lives. They have had their hearts broken or broken hearts. And most of them will wonder sometimes about the one that got away or they let go. That's normal. We like the possibilities in our lives and we want to be able to pursue them all. When we can't, we wonder.

I've been blessed in my relationships. I'm still on good terms with all the men I've dated and I never cease to be thankful for that. Some of the men I've been in relationships with are my best friends. That's never an issue until I begin something new. How are you supposed to react to the fact your significant other is close to someone who used to be their significant other? What kind of boundaries do we get to set?

Maybe it comes down to how much you trust the person you are in a relationship with. Maybe it's all about knowing they will come back to you. I'm not really sure. There have been times I haven't confided in my current boyfriend on the basis he might be mad I still care about someone else. In my life, every person I get involved with has to be ok with the fact that there will always be others calling to my heart and I will always answer. I'm one of the difficult ones though and I know it.

The Ex is not always the only factor that can wreak havoc in relationships. At one point I thought relationships could really be something simple between two people and that was it. Sadly, it's not. There is always family lurking around the corners, and friends who may not approve. There are the choices you make about jobs and living situations. There can be politics, religion and sometimes war. When we begin to structure our relationships, we may try to keep it simple like we are always told to. Life would be easier that way. We don't get easy though. There will always be things to act as support or dead weight around whatever we try and build. Sometimes we will succeed and sometimes it will come crashing down around our ears. But we know that.

We are not perfect and neither are the relationships we create. We will make mistakes, we will push boundaries and in the right circumstances, we will make it through. And so will our relationships.