Desire for Children

There is a discussion that I have often at my house. It is about the desire to have children. I live with a man who would make the best father in the whole world. He's in the process of changing his life in ways that I cannot imagine ever doing and that is one of the things he wants to change. He wants children. After listening to his reasons for wanting to create his own family, I really do understand.

Last night, I was sitting in worship with two girls on my lap. They moved around a lot and sometimes I only had one. At that moment, I knew exactly why I want to have children. That's not something that's going to surprise a lot of people, since my nickname is Mom and I have wanted children for the past seven years at least. Obviously, given the fact that I was far too young to start a family for most of that time, that hasn't happened yet. I'm still not yet in a position to completely consider the idea of having a child. I'm still in school, and my marital status is not yet a marital status at all. I'm old enough to want a child, but not yet at the position to have my own.

It's nice to live with someone who has similar views to this idea as I do. While I am not remotely in a position to have children, he is in more of one and yet not as well. The reason why he wants to have children is because they are such miracles. The whole idea and reality of holding a newborn child is amazing and miraculous in and of itself. When he held a friend's newborn son, he began to cry. That is the same way I feel.

There is this incredible feeling when you hold a child. I have no idea what it feels like to hold your own, but I do know what it feels like to have someone curl into you as though they want to become a part of you. I know what it's like to have a small hand in yours and to watch a little girl walk by and know that she is a miracle of potential.

The desire for children is not something that not a lot of people seem to understand in me. At least not a lot of people my age. Most people my age are simply looking for independence. I have different ideas about that though. I can have my independence, but until someone is dependent on me, it is simply an empty independence. It is not the idea of leaving a legacy really. It's the idea of being a part of creating a miracle.