Moving With New Awareness

I am oblivious. I will be the first to admit to that. I do not pay a lot of attention to the world around me. I tend to focus on just a few things, specifically people. Mostly just those who are around me and not those who are on the periphery of my world. I have had my friends point out to me more than once that someone has been staring at me or calling after me. I just don't seem to see it.

I was talking to someone I live with and he has recently changed his life in a large way. He has lived most of the past two decades preparing for a life and living a life that he has now left. It is more than simply leaving a career as many do at many times in their lives, but completely changing how you see the world and how you see the people you interact with. He's in the process of rediscovering how to be similar to the rest of the population in how they relate to the opposite sex.

It's strange to see how many people are inherently aware of attention they attract and others are not. When you try to attract attention, you move in a way to make other people look at you. When you are not comfortable in your own skin, you don't move so that people will look at you. You move along the edges of people's vision. You stay to the side of the room, curl your shoulders down and attempt to disappear within yourself. I know exactly how to do it because I used to live my life like that. On the edges, hoping that no one is going to notice that you are there and yet desperately desiring for someone to care enough to notice.

When there is someone who does notice, then there is a new awareness that you begin to move with. You have the idea that you are now important to someone and so you move in a different way. When you know you are important to someone, then there is always the idea that there will be someone else who cares. It's amazing to sense the change in someone when they know there is someone who cares. You can walk with a straighter back, you don't wear clothes simply to hide.

There is also the growing into your body. I was tall as a child and also a little bit chubby. Not very much, but not being athletic led to me being not so popular among the other kids. It wasn't until I got high school that I really realized how much power I had. There were other tall kids there, so I started to stand straighter. Not completely, because I still tower over some of my friends, but much better than what I was like ten years ago. I also stopped eating for a month at the time and that got rid of the chubbiness although has led to various other problems over the years. I grew into the body that I had and gained a new understanding of myself while doing it.

In becoming comfortable with myself, in knowing that I can be attractive, I began to move with a new awareness that I simply lacked prior to that. I became more solidly myself and moved accordingly to that. I move with the awareness that I am attractive, that I have a power that comes with knowing exactly who you are, but most importantly that I am loved. I move in a way that shows exactly that. Because I know it and I won't forget it.