A Turning Chance

In the past, I have written about my claddagh, an Irish ring meant to symbolize love (heart), friendship (hands) and loyalty (crown). It's a common symbol of Irish heritage and one that I have embraced. When I originally bought it, it was to be used as a symbol of my independence and connection to my heritage. The direction of the ring also symbolizes different things, which was something I had to research. When I found out which way my ring was meant to stay, I changed the direction of it to show that my heart was not claimed or attached to one specific person.

Yesterday, or I suppose late Saturday night, I turned it. And now I'm terrified. Every time I look down at my hand, or play with my ring as is one of my nervous habits, I realize that I have someone else in my life. It's thrilling, but scary all at the same time. Most moments the thrilling out weighs the terrifying, which is good. What scares me is that I have someone else to think about now. I like it, but I also want to be able to make my own decisions based on what I want. What I want has now become entangled with someone else.

I took a chance when I turned my ring. I took the chance that this might not work the way I want it to and it will hurt a lot to have to turn my ring back down. I took the chance that he might not realize how important that is to me to recognize as a committment. He probably has no idea actually as it is not his heritage, but one day I think he will. The scarier chance is also the most thrilling. I took the chance that I will turn the ring down again, but on my left hand. I took that chance that this might work, that I might never have to worry about turning my ring again. My life might change a lot in the next few years because of the choice that I've made. I kind of like that idea. Despite how scary it is, I want that to happen.

Regardless of how this works out, I've taken the chance. A turning, and changing, chance.