Listening to Others

I have considered very strongly in the past few weeks placing a moratorium on blogging. That clearly has not happened. My reason for it not happening (or, I suppose, continuing to happen) is that a few friends who have just begun to read my blog have requested/demanded that I keep writing because they love reading it. I know that what others think of my writing shouldn't matter and for the most part it really doesn't, but I do tend to listen to others. Or perhaps a better way to put that is that I concede or agree to what people request of me.

In Roman times, there was a tradition of slaves riding behind the returning conquerors to whisper in their ear 'You are not a god. You are not a god.' The running joke is that I need someone to follow me around, not to remind me of my own humanity or humility, but to stop people before they ask me to do something for them and strike with a preemptive 'No.' Cutting me out of the equation is somewhat easier. I have known a few friends to not allow me to take on another gig or committment without ever telling me that I was requested. Sometimes this really helps.

The one good thing about my willingness to respond to people also means that I am always wiling to listen. The running joke in my house is that if you need compassion, go to Martha. If you need someone beaten up, go get Sarah. And it's really true. The only bad part of this is my cell phone bill, which I'm sure my parents are slightly less than thrilled with. I kind of like being the one that people call when they need someone to listen to them. It's comforting to know that I can be a source of comfort. The only problem with being the listener is finding someone to listen to you. Somedays it can be very frustrating to not be heard because you are the sounding board and the advice giver, not the one who has made a complete and utter mess of their life. I wish I didn't, but sometimes I do too, and finding people to listen is hard. Lots of people are always around to hear though.

I wonder what it would be like if we took the time each day not to just hear what other people are saying, but to listen to them. How would our days change? Would we care more or less? Would we feel more connected to someone we see every day, but have never really taken the time to listen to? What would we be able to discover about ourselves in other people? Try this experiment for one day. When you ask someone how they are, don't keep walking, but stay and genuinely interested in the answer. When a friend calls to talk, don't continue typing while they talk about their day. Try it for one day. See how much of a difference it makes.