Keeping Time

I read somewhere once that man created time and then became a slave to it. It's true. We created time and then allowed it to rule our lives. We stick to schedules so intently, and get stressed when we deviate from them. I know this because that is definitely my personality. I like my schedules. They keep my life running in a way that works for me. I can fit so much into 24 hours that sometimes it amazes me. It also serves to exhaust me. Those of you who have seen the bags that tend to exist under my eyes on a fairly permanent basis through the school year can testify to that.

My cell phone died tonight. Usually that wouldn't affect me that much, but it left me feeling stranded tonight. I use my cell phone to see the time because I tend to not wear watches. They get in the way when I play. Not knowing what time it was was alternately liberating and completely terrifying. When I don't know what time it is, then I suppose that I don't know where I'm supposed to be. The summer is coming and that will take some serious adjusting. Schedules become so much less important when I'm at work and relationships take first priority. I wonder what it would be like to live every day like that. Not worrying about what needs to be done next, or where I have to rushing off to. Concert schedules are non-existant and my morning take on a pace that doesn't have desperation as the center. Dinner is a time to spend time with the people who you live with instead of choking down some form of sustenance as quickly as possible before running out the door.

I wonder what would happen is I stopped trying to keep time (or rush through it to get to the good parts of my life) and simply let it be. If I was able to enjoy every single moment that I am given, because it really is a gift. And taking it for granted will only make is disappear. Instead of controlling time so desperately, I might try let it wrap itself around me, even though that will mean aging myself even more. Instead of watching the minutes tick by, I can use them to do something I love, even if that is not the most productive thing in the world. Kind of like blogging. I willingly give my time to this although it doesn't help my work get done. I know that I have the blanket of time on my side right now. The funny thing about blankets is how fast they go thin. Especially when you use them a lot. I won't always have the extra time to wrap around myself to act as a cushion, so I need to use the warmth and comfort I've been given to make a difference.

I'll stop trying to keep time for myself and let it go a little bit more. I'll try to have a day that is not completely scheduled. I won't get work done, but that doesn't mean nothing happens. There are different things to accomplish and I want to find them. Even if it means I have to let go of time.