Seeking An Excuse

I am not one for great adventures. I have never really been one for great adventures. I am the only who is envious of those who go off and have great adventures. My adventures in life have been most often occurred through turning the pages of my books in a comfortable corner chair.

The first summer I was at work, most of the assistants I worked with were heading off to begin new chapters of their lives. They had plans to go off to more foreign countries and have great adventures in places that they didn't necessarily speak the language, weren't sure where they were going to stay and didn't know what kind of work they would really be doing. At that point, I was really envious of what they had the opportunity to do. I had just finished my first year of university and I knew that I had to finish another three years before I had the same opportunity.

Now, because of some good advice from people who love me a lot, I am finishing my third year of my degree. I am beginning to realize that I am faced with the chance to have my adventure. I could take off the year after I finish my degree and do something that I want to do. Or I could stay here, do something I sort of want to do, but not have the adventure I have really wanted to have.

I read somewhere once that logic is just an excuse for wallflowers. I've never been one for logic, but I have to admit that I am resorting to my wallflower persona. To not go off to another country, far away from the people that I love, would be easy. It would be simple and it wouldn't terrify me down the depths of my being.

I had an excuse for not leaving. The only problem is that my excuse for not having my grand adventure doesn't want to be my excuse. My excuse wants me to go and have my adventure so that I will never regret not taking the chance. I might need to find another excuse.

The reality is that I have been a wallflower for all of my life. I have been comfortable in my corner chair with my book that feels heavy with the weight of adventure contained within its pages. Maybe, for the first time in my life, I will have to find my adventure outside of the pages that I am so comfortable turning. Because the more I seek for an excuse, the more I find that only one I can find is that I am scared and that excuse is simply not good enough.