Thursday, March 06, 2008

Loving Enough to Doubt

We are coming up on Easter very quickly now. This year has the earliest date of Easter that can exist for the next 160 years or so. I have to admit that the rush of it all is causing me to lose my breath.

The one nice thing about Easter coming so quickly is that I get to hear one of my favorite passages from the gospel read aloud again. It is the story of doubting Thomas.

Over the past centuries, Thomas has gotten a fairly harsh reputation. Many people feel because Thomas wanted to see Christ before he would believe that he had no faith. I don't agree though.

Thomas had faith. Thomas had faith enough to leave everything in order to follow Jesus. Thomas was able to see the true nature and purpose of Jesus' life. Thomas' perceived lack of faith did not stop him from believing. He wanted to believe. It was his grief that overruled his faith for a brief time and he demanded proof.

Whenever we lose someone we love in any way, we desperately don't want them to be gone. Even when out heads know the reality, our hearts don't want to accept it. Every whisper, every sideways glance, every person who passes us in the street carries with it the person we have lost and our hearts hurt. We can know the reality of losing the one we love in our heads, but our hearts will never know it.

When Thomas does not fully believe what the other disciples are telling him, it does not mean that he does not want to believe. He wants to believe more than anything. His heart leaps with joy and excitement at the possibility that his teacher, leader and friend might still be alive. But what happens when you fully believe in something only to find out it isn't true?

Thomas has just lost someone he loved dearly. He has been mourning for days and fearing persecution from the Roman authorities. He wants the other disciples to be right, but he can't survive them being wrong. Thomas' heart is not closed or hardened. Rather it is open and bleeding with grief. Thomas does not ask for proof because he has no faith in Jesus. He asks because he has no faith in his own strength.

It takes a strong heart to grieve. It takes a stronger heart to believe in something that will only break your heart again. Perhaps Thomas didn't feel as though his was strong enough. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was.

1 Comments:

Blogger Alex said...

Hey Martha!

You're absolutely right about Thomas! The funny part is that we talked about it at Fall Convention 2007!

:)

--Alex/axle

6:14 AM  

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