Talking About Forever

Going back to my obsession with country music, there was a great song playing on the radio today. It's a new song by Keith Urban and the lyrics struck me more today than they have over the past few months.

The part of the lyrics that really got to me was this. "We think about tomorrow than it slips away. We talk about forever, but we've only got today." I got a lot of questions today, when I played at a church luncheon at the church I grew up in. Most of them were about what I plan to do when I graduate school. The reality of my life is that I have no idea.

I stopped planning for the future a while ago. A part of this is because my plans just keep changing. I have some idea of what I might want to do, but there are about 138 options. That number is the number of countries that L'arche has communities in. Since that is what I want to do with my life, that is the number of options I have for the place I can live in after graduation. There was a certain amount of shock when I said the Prairies look like the best option for me when I'm done school, but that's a plan I'm looking forward to keeping.

It is really easy to talk about forever, especially when you are my age. Life seems as though it will stretch on and on and on. It doesn't though. I have seen too many people have their paths cut short before they should be and they don't get to see their forevers. They don't get forever, but they did have their todays.

There is another line from another country song that I love. "We can talk about forever for a day or two, but I've still got a lot of leaving left to do." I have to admit that I am pretty sure my leaving is done for my life, but I still only hold with talking about forever for a day or two. Planning for the future is a great thing to do, but the problem comes when you get caught up in planning for the future and talking about what tomorrow holds. I am the queen of planning and organizing and details. It wasn't until those plans began to fall through, the organizing becomes too much and the details were overwhelming that I realized that wasn't good for me. I still do like talking about the future and having dreams for what might happen tomorrow. My dreams tend to have a home in the country, a few kids hanging onto my hands and a man to come home to. Simple, perhaps, but they are my dreams and like all dreams they may come true and they may not.

The reality of my life is today. I am a little bit lonely, but I know that won't last forever. I am still in school and I am sort of employed. I know what job it is that I am going to go back to when classes are over again. I have my music and I have my friends. The reality of my life is that there is nothing more that I really need. I can talk about forever for a long time because I am a planner. I want to know what is going to happen and I want some guarantees in my life. I don't know how many more days I get though. I may have more than enough years to do all that it is I desire to do, but I may not. What I do know is that I have today, right now. That time is what I can use to make a difference in some one's life.

I am perfectly content to talk about forever, but only for a day or two. There is far too much living to do.