Learning to Take Care

One of my favourite salutations is "Take care." It wasn't until recently that I realized how charged that salutation is. It depends on the situation, but it can sometimes to take care of something that has to done, take care of those around you or to take care of yourself.

I am good at doing what has to be done. I am the organized one. I'm good at balancing a million things and getting them all done. They may not all be done really well, but they get done to a good level.

Given the nickname I earned during high school, Mom, I know that I am good at taking care of other people. I know I am because it is such a large part of what I do. I am the one who makes sure people get where they are supposed to, to make sure that other essays are done and delivered and bakes cookies just because. I am good at taking care of other people. I really am.

The part of taking care that I have to learn and am in the process of learning is how to take care of myself. I have lived away from my parents for the entire time I have been at university. Unlike many of my friends, I don't even go home for the summer. During the summer, I get to take care of many people who have different level of ability than I do. I have more responsibility than I have ever had before. My mistakes at work are serious. Lack of medication, forgetting to check on something, can result in serious problems. I really do know how to take care of others well. The only thing is that I don't get time to take care of myself over the summer.

I have no idea how to take care of myself. I know how to make food and get things done, but until this year, I never knew how to take a sick day for myself. I didn't know how to have a day just to do little things that I want to do. I am fiercely independent and I have a hard time letting go of the little things that I am so used doing by myself. I think on some level I think that if I let go of them and get used to having someone else there, the other person will leave and I will be more heartbroken than I would have otherwise been. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough for that. I have enough people walking in and out of my life on a regular basis and it hurts every time. The people you lose contact with, the ones who move themselves away from you. It doesn't seem to matter how it happens, it always hurts. Because of that, I have always said that I can take care of myself. The reality is that I don't know how to.

I don't know how to be sick, I don't know how to relax. I'm learning, but it is a process. It is hard to change my life view and be willing to let people stay in my life. I'm unused to letting other people take care of me. Now I'm learning to both take care of myself and let others take care of me. It's a good learning experience.