Opposed to Change

In another century I would have been termed a Luddite. For those of you who have ever had the amusement of watching my wrestle with a new piece of technology, you have a decent idea of what I mean. In the past few years of my life, there have been a few massive changes. I don't usually like them.

In the community I live in, I have to be away for some periods of time. I hate it. I would much prefer to stay here all the time. The hardest part for me is to come back and find that things have once again changed. They don't stay the same when I leave. The lives of those here move on at a different rate than mine, still changing and evolving, simply without me.

I'm opposed to change mostly when it happens without me. When I'm a part of it, I really don't even notice that it happens. It's only when I leave and then come back that I notice the change and I don't always like it.

The hardest part of living in the community I live in is that the change that I come back to is often not the most positive one. It's hard to watch the people I have come to love and care for in positions of pain and aging. This being the first time in my life that I have ever been in the position of primary caregiver to anyone, I am beginning to understand the toll that care giving takes on those who give.

The interesting thing about change is that most times it happens without you even realizing it. It just creeps up on you. I am becoming aware that I have changed a great deal in the past few years just due to the circumstances my life has placed me in. I have both grown up and grown out. I didn't notice most of the changes until they had happened and I had become a more mature, responsible person. It is never too late to continue changing, and in fact, that is the only thing that keeps life interesting, but sometimes it can draw opposition. I know that my growing up has been hard for my parents to deal with because they want me to stay their little girl and now I am a big one.

Sometimes the change in life is really healthy. Other times it is not. I don't know which kind of change I am most opposed to, since I seem to be in the middle of quite a lot of it right now. I'm trying to be less of a Luddite and simply go with the flow and sometimes it works. Other times, I remember why my colours are ranked the way they are. Whichever way I choose to react to it, life goes on and that means change. The only think I can change is my reaction to it.