Not What I Planned

I am a planner. I like to know what is happening from one day to the next. Beyond that, I have to have plans for the next years of my life. I am not the "live in the moment" kind of person. I really wish I was, but I'm not.

A friend was teasing me yesterday about my plans for the next few years of my life. My previous plan for my life was to fall in love with someone I met at university, find a job, get married and have a few kids more or less in the same area I grew up in. Update of reality to that dream. I have my dream job. I don't want to leave. I have met someone who is unabashedly not Canadian. I doubt that I will have kids in the next few years simply because of how much I'm going to be moving around. And there is a distinct possibility that I may have to decide which country I'm going to live in to raise a family.

Throughout high school I had a very simple plan for my life. Now I don't. I had no idea I would find a summer job that might end up being the rest of my life. I didn't plan on falling for someone who is not Canadian. I didn't plan on developing tendinitis that will put any form of musical career on hold for an indefinite period of time. I didn't plan on so many things in my life.

It's hard to find the life that I have planned. I don't really know where it has gone. Somewhere gone with the wind perhaps. I don't like letting go of the dreams that I had. It leads to confusion in my life. I'm not sure if that is supposed to stop me from dreaming or simply allow me to have dreams more open to change. I don't know if I would be able to change my penchant for planning, but I think I can give it a shot.

It's strange for life to turn out in ways that you don't plan. Somedays it's exciting and other days it's terrifying. These days those, I'm a little bit less terrified . . .