Living to Hurt

An assistant from Germany celebrated his last night at one of the houses in our community last night. One of the other assistants was amazed that while he had stayed for such a short period of time, the people in the community had become so attached to him. They had opened their hearts and let him into their lives in ways that left them very vulnerable. He marvelled at how someone had so quickly become a part of the community and attached to what is there.

It takes a different kind of person to live a life that is completely opening and welcoming. I will admit that I don't think I would be strong enough to do it. It's a different kind of living because while there is joy when you welcome someone, you also welcome them with the knowledge that they will leave. They may leave in a month, a summer, a year or in a few years. There are very few people who have become permanent fixtures in this community. Even among those who are long time assistants or administration, there is always movement and change.

We tend to not realize how closed off we are, or unwilling to get attached to a large number of people until we come in contact with those who love and welcome unconditionally, regardless of how much they may later hurt from those choices. Many of us limit how much we care. We don't want to care too much, or get too involved because we might get hurt when the person leaves us. Leaving is possible in so many ways and we are so aware of all of them. We don't want to get involved in case the choice of leaving is not left for us to do first. We hold back in case we don't get to be the ones to walk away.

The people I live with never get the chance to be the ones who walk away. I will return to London in September with the chance to live a student's life in a very different way than what I live in community. The people who make this place home though are still going to be here when I get back. They will watch me being torn between various places throughout the year until I have the chance to return and I'm sure it will hurt them as much as it will me. They will be here, living out their mission of welcome.

The only problem with having a mission of welcome is that there is a dark side to that. The mission of goodbye. When you are constantly welcoming, you are also saying goodbye on a regular basis. You say it so often, but it still hurts as though you were saying it for the first time.

Many of us ignore the mission of welcome. We hide behind the idea that our houses must match that of Martha Stewart before anyone can cross the threshold or that we simply don't have time for someone else's problems when we have so many of our own. We ignore it because we don't want to have to hurt. We don't want to have to say goodbye or let go. We cling to the comfortable things that we have thinking that they will never leave us and that will keep us safe. The scary thing is that they don't. When it comes to comfort and security, we can only have that when we push our boundaries and risk being hurt.

I live with people who live to be hurt. They have been hurt by those who do not take the time to understand them, to encourage them and to love them. They have been hurt by systems that are not designed for them. Somehow they still are able to love though. They welcome those who may have once ignored them or looked down upon them. They welcome them and they love them. When those they welcome leave, they will be hurt. But they never stop welcoming or loving those who come with a need for just those things.