Finding a New Level of Comfort

I am usually a comfortable person with myself and my own body. I don't shy away from being touched by other people. As a member of the music faculty, I would be considered cuddly and affectionate by most of the people who know me. It doesn't faze me to have someone come up behind me and wrap their arms around me. However, in the past few weeks, there is something that throws me off a lot and that is the ass-grab. One of my friends (female) is fairly notorious in the faculty for attacking many of us. I didn't think that it would faze me at all. But it does.

For some reason, I am uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable because I'm not expecting when she sneaks up behind me and grabs my butt. I am uncomfortable because no one does that to me. I am uncomfortable with myself and with the lack of control. I like being in control of my own body and my own actions. I'm usually comfortable with my body because I'm in control of what I look like, who touches me and everything about me. To lose part of that control, even a tiny fraction of it, seems to make me uncomfortable.

I want to find that comfort. I want to find a place where I am ok with myself and my body, where I feel as though I have nothing to be ashamed of. Somedays that comfort is hard to find. It's hard to look at the cover of a magazine and think that I am fine the way I look. I'm beginning to realize that the only difference between me and the girls on the cover of the magazine is that I don't have a team of makeup artists, people to do my hair and a computer program that will fix exactly what I don't like about myself. I don't have all that. That doesn't make me ugly or less than perfect. It makes me human. While being human is entirely far from being perfect, I am exactly the way I was created to be. And I can take a different level of comfort in that.