Living With Loneliness

Loneliness is probably one of the most commonly felt emotions and the least expressed. We're taught to be independent individuals and not depend on someone else for our happiness or anything else. This ostracizes the feeling of loneliness and makes it a taboo subject in North American society. Most days loneliness is not accepted or acknowledged, it can be the empty feeling that keeps us up at night hugging our pillows, drives us to seek solace in alcohol, drugs or the arms of strangers. We seek to surround ourselves with people and immerse oursevles in relationships simply to escape the feeling of being alone. The only problem with doing this is that we are never truly able to get rid of the feeling. We still feel alone, but we feel alone in a crowd or alone in a relationship and that is much worse.

Right now is about the time of year when I tend to feel most lonely. Right around the middle of February when couples become the most celebrated group in society. Last year was the worst for me. I was in a relationship, but I can't remember ever feeling more lonely than I did that day. I got lucky because I spent that night out with my birthday twin and we had a great night. Even though I didn't get to spend it with the person I had originally planned to spend it with, it ended up being one of the best Valentine's of my life.

This year I am alone once again, but this year, I'm not really lonely. There are the lonely pangs that hit me every once in awhile and a few nights when I stay awake holding my pillow, but for the most part I'm not lonely. I'm not in a specific relationship, but that doesn't leave me completely alone. I've come to place a higher value on the time that I do get to spend alone, as it has become less and less over the past few months. As I borrow words from one of my favourite songs "I'm alone, but I ain't lonely. For a dreamer night's the only time of day . . ."