The Space Between the Tracks

I love to read. I love to read with a passion that seems to defy what little logic I have in my life. I have recently read three books that have been able to change the way I look at the world. They are all by a Brazilian author, reccomended to me by a friend. They are relatively thin books compared to what I usually read, but I'm so glad I read them. It took longer to read because the language felt like sipping ice wine, so sweet and so intoxicating. It's something you know you have to finish, even when at moments it seems overwhelming.

A character in one of the books asked an interesting question. As he became more aware of the world around him, he wanted to know why all the railroad tracks were 143.5 cm apart. Apparently the answer to this question can be traced back to the Romans. It is the width of two horses side by side when they are pulling chariots. All roads in Europe were constructed with this measurement. Somehow throughout centuries, no one ever sought to question or change this. The measurement was also imported to America and remained the same. No one was willing to changeit because that was just the way it was. The status quo.

I wonder how many aspects of our lives we apply railroad tracks to. How many places we just assume that is the way we are supposed to be and we allow them to continue in the same way. One area I know that is limited in many lives is the expectations for careers and jobs. Many people get to a point in their lives that they think they can't go any farther, or change direction, and should simply be happy with what they have. They either never want to move, or never think themselvesto be capable of it. They have found their railroad tracks and are content to stay there.

The tracks in my life that I have experienced (and know others have) are the ones found in relationships. Perhaps it's easier to have such a specific measurement. Maybe it's simpler to not have such a specific measurement. Maybe it's simpler to not have things change. That way it doesn't hurt when you move farther apart for a time and you don't feel too close when you get closer. The thing about relationships though is that they don't always stay 143.5 cm apart. Sometimes they are farther and sometimes they are closer. But they are always there.

When we attempt to railroad track our relationships, we lose the freesom that love and acceptancebring. We bring our relationships into line with the expectations of others. We conform to something that we don't necessarily believe in. We don't reach for what we want when that's not something that's expected of us in a long term relationship. We are also unwilling to accept the need for or movement towards more distance between those who are involved. We are unable to see the need for movement around the two people in a relationship.

For me, the true sign of a successful relationship is not one that has remained constantly close or always the same. It is the relationship that has remained entwined, in both distance and nearness. It is the ability to accept the movement, even when it is not the most comfortable thing for those involved. It involves letting go and hanging on and knowing when to do both. It is both space and closeness, intimacy and independence. It accepts and loves and supports,especially on the days that that is the hardest thing to do. It steps outside of the railroad tracks and knows that there are more important things. And it's always there.