Jumping to Fall

I was talking to someone yesterday about ice skating. For those of you who have watched me do such a thing, it can be painful for me. I lack natural balance and skill that is required to stay up on two blades on a piece of ice. In fact, I lack the ability to stay up on a piece of ice without the blades between me and the ice. He, on the other hand, skates very well apparently. I don't think I will embarass myself in front of him this winter. At least not willingly. His mother was a figure skater and so he can skate well enough to amaze me. He said he tried jumping once and landed on his face. He wants to try to jump again without the falling after that.

Falling is a familiar feeling in my life. I fall down stairs, I fall up stairs. I fall off my bed, I fall pretty well anywhere there is space between me and the floor, the ground or water. I seem to lack a natural sense of balance and the falling is a product of that. Most of the time I really don't mean to fall. I don't do anything like jumping down the last steps on a staircase or trying to bungee jump out of an airplane. I don't consider climbing down the wall from the roof and I rarely stand on ladders at all.

The interesting part about my avoidance of falling means that I also avoid jumping. Jumping off tall buildings, jumping off swings, jumping out of trees. I tend to not jump on the basis that I know I will fall. I don't like cliff jumping very much or anything similar to that.

I'm beginning to take the chance of jumping though. The feeling is fairly thrilling. You fall through the air and don't have anything to hang onto. You lose control of the things you thought you had to hang onto and don't really know when you are going to land. That is a good thing somedays and others not. If there was not the possibility of falling when I jumped I think I would do it more often.

I beginning to jump learning and knowing that I am go to fall. I am going to fall in love and I may crash. I probably will at some point actually. Not necessarily in one specific relationship, but in some of the ones that I have. I am jumping to have the feeling of falling. The chance to let go completely of the control that I have and having nothing left to hang onto. I am jumping without the fear of falling, or at least with out the fear of landing. I don't really care how it ends. I may have a few bruises and bleed a little, but I get the chance to fall.