Risking Happiness

Now that I have been properly chastised for writing the most whiny, angsty, emo blog that I have ever written, that will never happen ever again.

I had a great night last night. An incredible concert was followed by interesting conversations and good beer with two friends. As per usual to the to the time of our lives, the conversation worked it's way around to relationships (after a reenactment of Dara O'Briain, which was just too fantastic to have missed). As I was the only one representing the single population at the table, my love life (or distinct lack thereof) became the focus. This topic failed to yield much interesting material, we spoke of the many unrequited loves of this year. I'm astounded that there are so many. It seems to just be the year for unrequited love in many forms.

After catching up with the lives of those around us, my friends said something that has been running thorugh my head ever since. We expect to be unhappy and we expect to get hurt. We tend to get into relationships with these expectations and somehow seem to be surprised when they come to pass. We don't, however, expect to be happy. And that prospect is entirely terrifying.

I'm not really sure why we are so frightened of the possibility of finding happiness with someone else. Maybe we are worried that our happiness will become dependent on the other person in our lives and if they disappear, or something happens, our happiness will be taken with them. Perhaps we are worried that we do find happiness and then what would we do? We spend so much time seeking after happiness that we would be left with nothing to seek if we didn't have something to look for. If we weren't able to seek happiness, if we were able to accept that we can be happy, what would we do?

So many of us end up in relationships where we are not happy, we know we are not happy and are unlikely to become so in this relationship simply because it's easier. We don't have to risk losing the happiness that we never had and never have to take the responsibility for someone else's happiness that was never dependent on us. What would happen if we took that risk though? What we do if we committed to a relationship we knew would make us happy and someone else happy in return? Would we be able to take that chance to be happy? Would we be willing to risk so much in return for so much more? I know I am.